Society sold me a lie

Society sold me a lie,
I often feel like society sold me a lie,
I subscribed to its ideals of being, of family, of love, and social being,
I have been constantly and repeatedly conditioned from childhood to now,
At school, at the church, at work.

African lily, Agapanthus spp.

But it doesn’t work,
None of it,
At least for me and for several other people,
But we all keep trying to do the same things,
And judge those who like us, have not achieved the ideals,
While we silently suffer and mourn in our private moments,
The sufferings have even become a badge of honor,
How much shit one can stand in the name of the ideals-family, marriage, relationships, work,
It’s not even resilience, it’s just a dysfunctional existence.

The silverleafed princess flower, Tibouchina spp.

Many of us are dead a little inside,
And we continue to die every single day,
But we push on until we are hollow walking vessels, or til’ we reach a stable point of equilibrium,
Where life and dying exchange matter at a balanced state,
So one is neither exactly alive,
Nor dead,
Society sold me a lie.

Many of us resorts to distractions and comforts,
Some to excessive drinking, some to nyumba ndogo, some to other stimulants,
Others throw themselves to work,
Others just resign to life, and they just exist,
As if floating in space letting any forces take them to any direction.

I understand. And I empathize.
But I don’t accept this way if existence, of living.

I wonder how long before I also get of the truck load.

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